If I Love My Kid Enough

Review from the June 2008 issue of ADOPTALK, published
by the Adoptive Parents Committee, Inc.


A Book for Adoptive Parents
If I Love my Kid Enough is Right On Time...Recent research has uncovered substantial issues that are just now being identified and understood ...it is a Must Read for any and all whose lives are, in any meaningful way, impacted by the adoption process and experience.

Synopsis
Many of today's adopted children have spent their earlier days in orphanages tended to by multiple caregivers where basic needs are often neglected. Frequently, other adoptees, while more fortunate in their earliest homes, have birth parents who have ignored their own health, taken unknown and harmful substances, and have not received the prenatal care that experts deem so necessary. When these children join their new families they are often at risk for serious learning and behavior problems and their adoptive families are unable to anticipate the consequent challenges. Many of these children present problems immediately, but there are also a substantial number of youngsters who, at first glance, do not reflect any of the difficulties associated with early trauma. Indeed, it is only when these children begin school or enter adolescence that the parents begin to understand the importance of those very early days and their impact on the child’s later life.

IF I LOVE MY KID ENOUGH: THE REALITY OF RAISING AN ADOPTED CHILD is based on the true story of Bethany. Adopted at the age of seven months she arrived in her new home with all the promise of the perfect child. A precocious learner, she had a charming manner that masked the early trauma caused by two maternal separations and other unknown factors. Though there were early warning signs of learning and emotional problems, they were downplayed by school officials and minimized by extended family and friends. But when Bethany entered adolescence her behavior turned dangerous and could no longer be ignored.

As the narrative progresses, Jean Roe Mauro, LCSW provides a developmental
explanation
for Bethany’s erratic behavior and references the latest research as she offers clarification and suggestions for getting help.

The theme of the book is that all adopted children experience attachment issues as a consequence of the trauma of being separated from their birth mothers. The reader will see that the euphoria of adoption is not always followed by a smooth passage to maturity. The book openly acknowledges that while adoption presents exciting opportunities to those involved it can also present them with significant challenges. As the book explains, raising an adopted child is different from raising a birth child.

The promise of the book is that the vast amount of new research on this significant experience provides adoptive parents with the knowlege and the tools to parent the adoptive child during this challenging journey.

 
"This book will disturb your emotions and thoughts, make you feel sorry or resentful, agree and disagree with the authors. That's exactly the process that parents should go through considering an adoption."
Boris Gindis, Ph.D.
Chief Psychologist,

Center for Cognitive-Developmental Assesment and Remediation.

Contents

>>ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS

>>INTRODUCTION

>>1 • JUST ONE STORY

>>2 • BEFORE THE BEGINNING: THE UNEASY WOMB

>>3 • THE FIRST YEAR: FORMING AN ATTACHMENT

>>4 • EARLY SIGNS OF TROUBLE: AGES 1 TO 4

>>5 • ENTERING THE WORLD: THE EARLY SCHOOL YEARS

>>6 • ON THE EDGE: THE MIDDLE SCHOOL YEARS

>>7 • THE NIGHTMARE YEARS: HIGH SCHOOL

>>8 • TACKLING THE PROBLEM: WHAT WORKS

>>9 • EPILOGUE

>>• DEVELOPMENTAL BENCHMARKS

>>• Appendix A OPTIMIZING ATTACHMENT BETWEEN CHILD AND PARENT

>>• Appendix B SELECTING A THERAPIST

>>• Appendix C ADDITIONAL RESOURCES

>>• BIBLIOGRAPHY

>>• ABOUT THE AUTHORS.
Research on Adoption  

Excerpt from the Introduction

"The face of adoption has changed dramatically in the last twenty years. Recent research has uncovered substantial issues that are just now being identified and understood by professionals whose practices have been shaped by the number of challenged adoptive families seeking help. With the popularity of street and designer drugs come hundreds of thousands of babies born with addictions. Some children, having suffered instability and abuse in their lives prior to adoption present another set of problems..." (more excerpts)

   
           
   


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© Sara-Jane Hardman & Jean Roe Mauro, LCSW 2007 NY